Handstand Triumphs and Tribulations

At the end of June I performed my first ever handstand act. It was amazing, and stressful, and terrifying, and joyful, all wrapped up into a couple of minutes on stage.

How did this even come to happen? I’ve been on an incredibly long and slow journey with handstands to get to a point where I could even think about performing, so let’s wind back 10 years…

I became what I can only describe as full on addicted to handstands in 2013, when an injury meant I had to take a break from training on gymnastic rings as part of my bodyweight training. I could however, support my weight with straight arms with no issues, so I filled my training time with learning how to get solid being upside down. At the time I literally couldn’t get enough of balancing on my hands. So I relentlessly practised and over the course of a year I made good progress.

But progress is so slow, and often one step forwards, two steps back with handstands. In my quest to learn as many different bodyweight skills as possible, I dropped handstands for periods of time over the years to focus on other things. I set new goals that didn’t involve balancing on my hands. But no matter how long a break I took from handstands I always came back to them. A big turning point was in 2016 when I got some coaching and spent two months working towards my press handstand, a skill that unlocked so much more for me. 

Later on aerial became a huge part of my life, and it was the first discipline that I performed. The stronger I became from training aerial, the more accessible training handstands at a higher level became. And I realised last year that if I want to be as physically well rounded as possible, that alone was enough of a reason to prioritise handstands again and this time stick with them. 

10 years on from when I first started this journey, and I still didn’t feel good enough to make an act and perform handstands. But then I got given some really helpful advice from a friend… 

“No matter what level you are, you’ll never feel ready to perform, so you just need to start.”

Because performing handstands is not the same as training handstands. There is a completely different kind of pressure when you’re performing, and learning to balance under those circumstances is a skill in itself. 

So I decided to take action, move my canes away from the wall, got over my fear of falling off them, and pieced together something exceptionally basic and straight forward, in the hopes I’d have a passable act that I could try performing. 

And amazingly it came together. I set a deadline for this, by committing to performing handstands in an upcoming show with Circus Pazaz. I made a costume, chose some music, and then gave it a go. 

Like I said in the opening paragraph, it was a bit of a rollercoaster experience. The adrenaline that I thrive on for my hoop performance does not benefit handstands. I need to be calm and focused, not buzzing and jittery like I’ve just had 10 espressos.

A lot went wrong in both handstand performances… I shared a 20 second clip on Instagram. In it I hold a solid handstand, twiddle my legs, come down and smile at the audience. It looks like it was a great success. And the fact that I did it at all was a success. 

But here’s what you don’t see on social media…

…. The nerves and fretting back stage

…. The endless conversations with my colleagues about what to do when something goes wrong

…. The fact that I was performing on a slope - yes, the ground wasn’t even flat

…. The multiple attempts to get up and balance in a handstand in front of an audience, when really it should have taken one attempt

…. The wobbles

…. The awkward poses, the moments I rushed through bits, the times I lost balance just standing on my feet because the ground wasn’t flat

…. The two attempts it took to get up on my canes in both performances, because my entry is still inconsistent 

But I still did it. I still managed to pull it off, and entertain the audience. And wow, did I learn a lot. Do I want to do it again? Not really. Will I do it again? Absolutely. Because it can only get better from here.