Wedding Crash

It’s been a while since I wrote anything that felt worth sharing. I have just gone through what’s considered to be one of the three most stressful life events; getting married. While it was absolutely wonderful and I can probably claim it as the best day of my life, it’s had an impact on me mentally and physically, because it took me out of my usual routine and changed how I spent my time. I’ve had an unforeseen break from training and I’ve been processing it all this week.

It’s been an unusual summer anyway. We’ve had less than fabulous weather in the UK which has meant less time outside, along with a trip to Ireland for a week of aerial, plus a lot of performing, all of which has impacted my training. I’ve kept things ticking over and still been able to work on a few new bits. Having monthly private hoop lessons helps me to feel like I’m still investing in my training and making progress. I’ve adapted to this different way of challenging my body.

But when my husband Tom and I decided to get married we knew two things; we didn’t want an over the top wedding, and we wanted to spend as little as we possibly could to make it happen. Which is great in theory, but I completely understand why people throw money at a wedding, because it’s a lot easier and much less stressful than doing it all yourself. 

I ended up making my own bunting, designing and making my flower crown and bouquets, as well as making table cloths and my own wedding cake. Not only did it take time to action these tasks, it took time and head space to plan, design, and prepare. We also set up our back garden for our reception, built an outdoor kitchen, put marquees up, and decorated as much as we could with bunting and fairy lights. 

Things got serious about two weeks before the event, and then every day was less about regular life and more about what was next on my wedding to-do list. So training took a back seat. But I noticed something else happening in my body. The excitement, anxiety, joy and terror had a physical affect on me. I felt stiffer than usual and sore, parts of my body were aching without having even been used, and I knew this was a reaction to the stress of the event.

It felt huge to be going ahead with this big event, wanting it to be a wonderful day, wanting to have the very best time, the enormity had a massive physical impact on me. The day itself was in fact wonderful, and everything we could have hoped for. All of the adrenaline finally left my body, the excitement lessened as it was over, and I collapsed. 

I have spent this week sleeping 11 hours a night. Feeling absolutely shattered. I thought I’d get married on Saturday, feel a bit worn out on Sunday and I’d be back to normal by Monday. I completely underestimated how such a huge life event would effect me. 

It doesn’t feel like I’ve just had a few weeks off, it feels like I’m coming back from an injury or from a bout of serious physical burn out. When we’re used to running at 100 miles an hour, or have the capacity to push through the usual tiredness from every day life, it’s incredibly hard to accept that sometimes we have to actually stop. Stop and have a rest. And ease back into things gradually. I don’t recognise this body, as it lethargically moves around, as I try to get back to normal life with no energy or motivation. The high has worn off and initially I’m left immobilised.

I’m not good at giving myself a break, or being kind to myself, though I’ve got better over the past few years. But this week I have really tried to listen to how I’m feeling. I’ve felt sad, which isn’t surprising after the hype of such a big event. I’ve been tired, so I’ve tried to just do the bare minimum each day and be happy with that. I’ve wanted to watch trashy TV, eat nice food, and spend a lot of time lying down. I’ve managed some training, but I would use the word “light” to describe it. It was nice to move, but I couldn’t push. 

So this is a reminder that it’s ok to go through periods of time where you really are doing nothing. In the grand scheme of my life, a total of three weeks off from my usual training is not going to have a detrimental affect. And coming back to it? I will take the time to ease back into things, just doing the stuff that I feel excited to do or that feels good for my body. Right now it’s about enjoyment, rather than for the sake of doing it, or pushing hard to make up for the time I missed. 

How do you manage the psychology around returning to training after a break/injury/set back?

Having no expectations around how a session pans out is an approach that has really helped me when I want to train, but I’ve had time out or I’m just no feeling on point. If I can show up and do anything at all then it’s a win. If it’s 20 minutes of stretching, great. If it’s two hours of handstands, also great. If it’s a session that just involves trying some new skills that don’t really work, that’s great because I still moved my body. Training doesn’t need to be perfect, and especially not after time off. It’s just about doing something.

I’m also trying to seek the joy in what I’m doing to frame all outcomes of a session positively. I think about how fortunate I am to be able to move my body. I feel good when I do simple movement that loosens my muscles or is building some strength. I can think about how even when I’m just exploring the basics this is benefiting me physically, especially in that moment. I try and focus on what a privilege it is that I have a body that allows me to move at all. 

There’s no one correct way to return to your training after time off, but I hope that some of my thoughts on this topic might resonate with someone. Even for professional coaches and performers, life happens and other things take over and have to take priority. This isn’t a set back. Just take the next step figuring out the best way for you to get back into the swing of things.